A DESCRIPTION OF SOME OF THE LOCAL BANDS IN THE AREA
THE COOL LADS
MEMBERS - 2 coots and a swan (on synths)
FROM - Just sort of up the canal really (near that graffiti of a the chimpanzee with an enormous penis)
INFLUENCES - Kraftwerk, Pet Shop Boys, Prince
REVIEW - These guys are fucking useless. They've got one shit keyboard between them and they can't even play it properly because they've all got stupid fucking wings. A complete waste of time. Cool Lads? Shit Lads more like!
LISTEN TO - Donkey On The Dance Floor, Lovely Heron, Love Duck
MEMBERS - A loads of rats
FROM - Stoke Newington (Greggs)
INFLUENCES - Bon Jovi, Motley Crue, Kiss
REVIEW - jumping on the 80's hair-metal explosion that seems to be happening in the animal kingdom at the moment, these guys certainly look the business with their long, poodle-permed haircuts and tiny little leather jackets. Problem is, their instruments are just twigs and bits of old rubbish, so they can't actually play any music, and, as such, aren't really a band, instead, they're just a bunch of rats in a bin.
LISTEN TO - N/A
MEMBERS - Just a chaffinch called Don Harris.
FROM - Milton Keynes / An egg
INFLUENCES - Slayer, Anthrax, Keane
REVIEW - He's probably the best chaffinch I've ever seen at playing an electric guitar solo. Having said that, I've never even seen another chaffinch even give it a bash and Don basically just perches on the neck and pecks the strings every now and again. He's also a bit of a cunt because he claims that he used to play drums for Megadeth and I know he didn't because he's a fucking chaffinch.Last time I saw him I kneed him in the chest and booted him into the canal.
LISTEN TO - Knuckle Supper, Fish Frenzy, Pecking Twigs
THE SKY EAGLES
MEMBERS - A wasp, 3 moths and a horse on drums
FROM - Catford
INFLUENCES - Beastie Boys, Shed Seven, Sigur Ros
REVIEW - These guys are very talented. By mixing early hip-hop with indie guitars and ethereal, ambient sound-scapes, these guys have created something truly special. Also the horse is an absolute powerhouse on the drums. Expect to be seeing a lot more of The Sky Eagles (shite name)
LISTEN TO - Bongo Fury, Dog Goblin, Slippery G