FOR SALE - 2 WASPS
One called Ryan House the other yet to be named - Found in a spiders web - Both dead.
Call DDD - 003
FOR SALE - 1 X OLD BOOT
Left foot, size 13, laces included, minor damage and possibly haunted - $4.50.
Call Gus - 732
FOR SALE: OWL PELLETS
Various sizes and ages - A general mass of undigested bits of food (plant matter, bones, fur, feathers, bills, claws, teeth etc) that I've regurgitated in the form of a filthy pellet. - Starting at $300/lb
Sexy Chris - 909
WANTED: PHOTOGRAPH OF GARY LINEKER SAT ON A PARK BENCH, TUCKING INTO A TWIX / TOFFEE CRISP.
Also interested in photographs of dogs with their heads stuck in bottle banks - Will pay up to £25 000
Call Clunes - 667
LOST - KNACKERED OLD KETTLE FULL OF BEES
White, plastic and covered in muck. Full to the brim with bees. Great sentimental value.
If found please return to Jeremy Paxman - 856
MAN WITH A VAN
Man (thrush) with a van (twig) - If you need a van (twig), then I'm your man (thrush)
Call Paul Baxter - 980
FOR SALE - A PROSTITUTE'S WIG
Brown, stinks, covered in bits of Alpen. Once owned by TV's Cwis Packham. Buy before 30th November and receive a free bag of dog dirt.
Call Vile Clive - 021