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INSTRUCTIONS FOR A SORT OF CARD GAME SEXY CHRIS AND MYSELF MADE UP        
..SOMETHING TO KILL A BIT OF TIME IF YOU'RE AT A LOOSE END AND YOU'RE BORED OF BUGGERING SWANS.

WHAT YOU NEED   
  • A pack of cards (Don't need the 8 of diamonds)
  • Dice (several)
  • 12 dozen eggs
  • A child's shoe
  • Twigs/soil
  • Bog roll

RULES 

  • Deal the cards; 8 for the dealer, 10 for Sexy Chris. 
  • Roll the dice. It's a 4. That means you take one of the twigs/handful of soil
  • Roll again
  • ROLL AGAIN!
  • If it's an even number then smash an egg. If it's an odd number then move back to the start.
  • Deal the cards again and again until someone gets an ace.
  • 7, 5, Jack, 2...And so on.
  • Sexy Chris has the ace. Now he has to put an egg into the child's shoe and luzz it into the canal.
  • Remember that if someone rolls a 6 after they've laid down a queen then the game is over. No one wins.
  • 9 of clubs? Very nice.
  • Roll again and again and again until until someone is victorious.
  • The person with the least amount of soil at the end is the overall winner.
  • Force-feed any remaining eggs down Sexy Chris' throat. Point and laugh whilst Sexy Chris cries and vomits at the same time. I fucking hate Sexy Chris.

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