things that i've seen celebrities
doing
THROUGH THE BLINDS / CURTAINS AND THAT

TIM HENMAN

Stood in his living room (pretty much nude).Basically wearing nothing but a pair of leather chaps/lederhosen.He was covered in blood and smiling. He kept shouting something about apple juice. There were several dogs. His house was engulfed in flames throughout.

VERNON KAY
He was in his shed. It was a nice shed. Quite expensive looking. It almost looked new. Perhaps he’d just built it. That would explain why he was wearing a tool belt and why he was very sweaty. He was wearing a ‘Homer Simpson’ t-shirt. He was also fucking a horse.

FELICITY KENDAL

She was in her conservatory (posh). She was wearing a wedding dress and entertaining guests. She was blind drunk and at one point she was sick in a pot plant (some sort of cactus). Alan Rickman was there. He was playing a trumpet.

ALISTAIR DARLING
This was a few weeks back. He was outside his house in the middle of the night. He had loads of felt pens around him. It looked like he was trying to ‘colour his car in’. He was just stood there in a pair of Billabong surf shorts and frantically trying to colour this bloody car in. He kept mumbling things like - “Turn red you cunt” and “why can’t you be more red you stupid bastard?”


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