HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS
WITH A HORSE
  • Find a horse. They'll usually be in a field/stable/garage/hamburger factory
  • Approach the bastard
  • Introduce yourself. Say something like "Hi, my name's Duncan" (If your name's Duncan)
  • Clear you throat/stare at your feet/make awkward gestures
  • Repeat yourself.
  • Start tap dancing in front of the horse whilst grinning nervously
  • Make small talk. Tell the cunt a little bit about yourself. Tell it all the problems you've been having when you try and go to the toilet
  • (He's ignoring you) Introduce yourself again.
  • Start getting angry with the swine
  • Shout at the horse. Start thrashing it with electrical wires
  • Introduce yourself once more. "HELLO, MY NAME 'S DUNCAN. IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU"
  • Start crying and throw a temper tantrum
  • Give up
  • Go to bed deflated and upset
  • Wake up and repeat the process

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