HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS
WITH A HORSE
- Find a horse. They'll usually be in a field/stable/garage/hamburger factory
- Approach the bastard
- Introduce yourself. Say something like "Hi, my name's Duncan" (If your name's Duncan)
- Clear you throat/stare at your feet/make awkward gestures
- Repeat yourself.
- Start tap dancing in front of the horse whilst grinning nervously
- Make small talk. Tell the cunt a little bit about yourself. Tell it all the problems you've been having when you try and go to the toilet
- (He's ignoring you) Introduce yourself again.
- Start getting angry with the swine
- Shout at the horse. Start thrashing it with electrical wires
- Introduce yourself once more. "HELLO, MY NAME 'S DUNCAN. IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU"
- Start crying and throw a temper tantrum
- Give up
- Go to bed deflated and upset
- Wake up and repeat the process