1 - Cover your hands in batter and turn on the oven.

- Boil all the eggs. ALL THE EGGS!

3 - Punch a swan in the throat, relax, for God's sake! It's your party! Let your hair down and have some fun for once!

4 - Peel the carrots

5 - Throw the carrots in the bin. You won't need them. They'll spoil it.

6 - Make sure you've boiled all the eggs.

7 - Fish a dog out of the bins from behind the vets / Martin Clunes' flat.

8 - Warm the plates and lay the table. Did you boil all the fucking eggs? 

9 - Shove the eggs up the dogs' arse, serve and eat 

10 - For dessert how about some Vienetta or a Twix?