IDEAS FOR SOME NEW COCKTAILS

CHUBBY JESUS
raisins (+ingredients)

GRUMPY THOMAS
grenadine, burnt plums, champagne, lager, 400kg minced beef

BENDER'S LUNCH
lemon, vodka, butter, rum, spermicide for dogs

AN ENORMOUS PICTURE OF AN OTTER
whiskey, Lilt, velcro, chocolate, dice and bits from board games all sort of floating about in it. Annoying 

LIME BUKAKE
water, milk, lime, poppers
(Served by a man who's in trouble with the Inland Revenue)

HOMOPHOBIC SPRITZ
strawberry liqueur, angostura bitters, served with a short video of hateful old man complaining about the gays

THE VICTORIAN CRAB FESTIVALS
Prosecco/cod
(injected intravenously when you're not looking)

Lupeni 29 is a 1962 Romanian drama film directed by Mircea Drăgan. It was entered into the 3rd Moscow International Film Festivalwhere it won a Silver Prize.




GUS THE FOX : CRAPBOOK
COMING 07.11.13

I've written a book. I reckon it will win zero literary awards as I mainly just talk about celebrities having sex with animals. Noel Fielding's written in it as well.

It's available to pre-order from loads of places now.
Don't wait too long because when I get sued it will get pulped.

The perfect gift for almost nobody this Christmas.



An Idea For 
A MENU






S T A R T E R S 
Bag Of Teeth
Served with twigs and pretend jam 6.00

Racist Eggs
With anti semitic toast and nice herbs (Over 18s) 7.00

Ghost Duck Paste
Slices of a duck's soul served in a child's ballet shoe 11.00

S O U P 
Bees
And grit 4.50

Salt
Cream of Sodium Chloride 11.50

Shattered Dreams
Served ice cold with a pint of tears (and paprika) 6.30

G R I L L
Naughty Beef
A delicious tenderloin served with photographs of apartheid atrocities. Upsetting. 15.00

Meat Lottery
The Chef has discovered a portal to another dimension in the back of the fridge. Random cuts of unknown meat appear every Tuesday. Grilled in super strength lager. Confusing and delicious 25.00

Sleeping Poultry
Served alive in brine. Ask your waiter whether you'd like it to be dreaming about its childhood or whether you'd prefer it to be suffering from disturbing night terrors 13.00

Cold Shoulder
Shoulder of disgruntled pork. All of our pigs are guaranteed to have had a right attitude problem. Presented with anger on a bed of crisps 19.30

F I S H 
Hilarious Trout
GSOH (Great sense of humour). Cooked by our resident paedophile. With chips or new potatoes 11.00

Wanker Crab
Cooked in the engine of a Kawasaki motorcycle and served in your lap by the bins (alone) 17.17

Gary Pallet The Lonely Sea Bass
Served with a little dance 8.00

Bureaucratic Squid
Served with unnecessary admin and presented in a shoe box full of wires and cables 13.01

Prawn Cocktail : The Musical
Music by Tim Rice. (Very soily) Tickets - £45

S I D E S 
A bitchy comment 4.00
Memories of Bishops 5.00
Chips (Subject to Availability) 1.00
Old Ham 8.00
Unlicensed Tramp Boxing 3.00
Cells 2.50
Ungrateful Beans 2.00
A Documentary about Grandma (Fried/battered) 3.76

D R I N K S 
Dog Milk 3.50
Seepage (Eggs?) 2.00
A Syrupy/Boiling Hot Drink 6.00
Horrible Cordial 8.50