THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH A FROG
- Trap him in an old kettle.
- Whisper the word 'clitoris' into his ear on the hour, every hour.
- Punch him in the ribs.
- Flick raspberries at him from the top of the shed.
- Gently shove him down the drains.
- Ram him up Keith Bisto's big fat arse.
- Super-glue him to Carol Vorderman's mountain bike.
- Marry the cunt.
- Post him to Malta (Second class.)
- Watch Raiders of the Lost Ark with him and then tear his fucking head off and hurl it into the canal.
- Wear him as a sort of posh brooch.