THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH A FROG




  • Trap him in an old kettle.
  • Whisper the word 'clitoris' into his ear on the hour, every hour.
  • Punch him in the ribs.
  • Flick raspberries at him from the top of the shed.
  • Gently shove him down the drains.
  • Ram him up Keith Bisto's big fat arse.
  • Super-glue him to Carol Vorderman's mountain bike.
  • Marry the cunt.
  • Post him to Malta (Second class.)
  • Watch Raiders of the Lost Ark with him and then tear his fucking head off and hurl it into the canal.
  • Wear him as a sort of posh brooch.