BINVENTIONS




EEL DUNGAREES (DUNGAREELS?)
Finally, a solution to an age old problem. This one legged dungaree is just what the doctor ordered for the modern eel with shit to do. 
Comes with a large front pocket, ideal for carrying rocks, silt, weeds and canned goods up and down stream.
Also available in beige.
MUSICAL SNAKE HELMET
Say goodbye to non-musical snakes with the MUSICAL SNAKE HELMET. 
The Musical Snake Helmet is a simple transistor radio attached to a small helmet that will fit any grass snake, adder or slow worm.
Simply strap the helmet to the nearest serpent and then sit back and let the good times roll.
Requires 12 x 9 volt batteries


THE BIN ROD



Nothing's more frustrating than a dustbin with a lid on it, especially when you know full well that it's absolutely full to the brim with medical waste (bollocks, tits, lungs etc) like the one up at the hospital.
The Bin Rod makes lifting the lid off tricky refuse containers an absolute doddle and the carved mahogany handle says "Who's this suave customer?" to any cunt you happen to bump into on your rounds. An absolute must-have for the modern gent who enjoys licking vile filth out of bins.


THE NEVER ENDING WASP
Not sure how this would work, but it's basically a wasp that will never grow old and die. It's basically an immortal wasp. It'd be amazing. You'd never be lonely again. Just trying to sort out the nitty-gritty.

THE INFLATOR
It can be dangerous and annoying when you're trying to eat a battered crow that's been squashed in the middle of a dual carriageway and you have to keep running out of the way of traffic to avoid joining the bastard in the afterlife.
You can't move it because it's stuck fast with it's guts. Not a problem with THE INFLATOR!
The Inflator is a small pump attached to a length of pipe. Simply stick the pipe into the dead cunt's throat and then roll the pump into the path of oncoming traffic. Each time a wheel passes over the pump, a jet of air will be sent into the crow's lungs until eventually it should start to inflate and then you can just roll it off into the woods and eat it in peace. 
NB: The pump could be disguised as a pheasant so that drivers would aim for it instead of swerving out of it's way.
MOUSE CANON / SWAN PISTOL
Not sure if anyone will want one of these to be honest. It's basically a sort of gun / crossbow that shoots mice at swans. Don't even know what the point of this is yet to be honest. I've got a good mind to stop building the bugger.
I'd quite like it to be mainly digital. 
Was also thinking it might be quite nice if it had a picture of Pauline Quirk from 'Birds of a Feather' on the handle. 
I'll be honest, I sort of need to go back to the drawing board on this one a bit.
I might fuck this one off actually. Can't exactly see Duncan Bannatyne biting my hand off for this one.


6 comments:

  1. i ordered the swan pistol. its crap i only managed to hit one swan and that was with the handle.

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  2. My snake's helmet doesn't work! It keeps going into aeroplane mode, I'm not putting snakes on a plane!!!

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  3. Gus, you are an asshole. Never ending wasps? I need to move planet now.

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  4. I tried stretching a pheasant over the pump, but failed every time, mainly because the pheasant ran away. I may as well draw a picture of the pheasant and sellotape it to said pump. So far, I would rate this product 2 out of 10.

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  5. I'm sure K Tel used to do a crow inflator in the 70s?

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  6. How much for the wasp? Sick to death of the fuckers dying on me. Not paying for postage though. Fuck that.

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