1. Some fucker sticks it in the back of the net
  2. There is a yellow one
  3. There is a red one
  4. You see a black guy
  5. One of the players kills one of the other players
  6. England put a dog on as a substitute
  7. You see someone in the crowd dressed up as Toadfish from Neighbours
  8. One of the players eats the ball (See point 6)
  9. The commentators keep mentioning 'Hungry Hungry Hippos'
  10. A plane/hot air balloon crashes into the pitch
  11. Gary Lineker has got his snout in a bag of Pickled Onion Monster Munch at half time
  12. One of the players brings their cat/hamster/parrot onto the pitch for the National Anthem (unprofessional) 
  13. The ref gets a firearm out and starts waving it at some the players and saying stuff like 'You better start bucking up your ideas' and 'You know I've got this gun'
  14. Someone forgets their kit and has to play in their pants
  15. The goalie kicks the ball so hard that it turns into an old black and white photograph of a steam train