TAKE A SHOT IF...
- Some fucker sticks it in the back of the net
- There is a yellow one
- There is a red one
- You see a black guy
- One of the players kills one of the other players
- England put a dog on as a substitute
- You see someone in the crowd dressed up as Toadfish from Neighbours
- One of the players eats the ball (See point 6)
- The commentators keep mentioning 'Hungry Hungry Hippos'
- A plane/hot air balloon crashes into the pitch
- Gary Lineker has got his snout in a bag of Pickled Onion Monster Munch at half time
- One of the players brings their cat/hamster/parrot onto the pitch for the National Anthem (unprofessional)
- The ref gets a firearm out and starts waving it at some the players and saying stuff like 'You better start bucking up your ideas' and 'You know I've got this gun'
- Someone forgets their kit and has to play in their pants
- The goalie kicks the ball so hard that it turns into an old black and white photograph of a steam train