Breeding wolves and bears in British shopping centres sparks debate about the rewilding of ancient species

For the first time in more than 1,000 years native bears and wolves are coming snout to muzzle with each other in the UK, but instead of finding themselves surrounded by the towering oaks of ancient woodlands, they are instead thriving in the abandoned shopping malls of the British high street.
European brown bears, thought to have become extinct in the British wilds in medieval times, and grey wolves – which roamed free until the 17th century are currently coexisting in several of the country’s most run down and unloved indoor shopping centres thanks to a radical new project devised by the government’s Department of Fish and Wildlife. 

Dustin Thunderthighs, the chief executive of the scheme, said: “We’d been looking for a suitable place to reintroduce some of these species for several years and realised that the baron and desolate landscape of the British high-street is in fact an ideal location. With more and more commercial units closing down due to the rise of online shopping we’ve found that certain species are flourishing.”
The project began in Fareham Shopping Centre,Portsmouth, where a pack of wolves were released in an abandoned branch of Mothercare and a family of bears unleashed into a deserted Snappy Snaps in January. Since then the pack has gone from strength to strength with only 24 human casualties reported so far.
“With hardly any shops still open in the arcade the wolves can pretty much keep themselves to themselves. Barely anyone actually leaves the house to go shopping anymore and anybody who does generally avoids being consumed by wolves so it seems to be a win win for everyone concerned” said Mr Thunderthighs. 
“We then introduced bears, wolves and a herd of elk into The Royal Victoria Place Shopping Centre in Tunbridge Wells and they did just as well with only a handful of people getting mauled to death or eaten” he continued.
Since then the scheme has been rolled out across the UK. The Callendar Square shopping centre in Falkirk, Stirlingshire, is now home to a thriving population of lynx and Eurasian bison and boasts  an impressively low 13 human fatalities whilst any visitors to The Broadmarsh Precinct in Nottingham will now be taking their life into their own hands whilst trying to avoid wild boar as well as cave lions, which haven’t been a part of the British countryside for almost 40’000 years.
Grantham Pelmet, 54, a shopper from Nottingham, said: “I think it’s a great idea. This would have all been woodland 500 years ago so I think it’s only right to hand it back to these dangerous bloodthirsty animals if people aren’t going to support the high-street and instead do all of their shopping on Amazon. If that means a few people get devoured by the gnashing teeth of these monsters then so be it.”
But not everyone was so supportive of the initiative. Yolanda Blunderbus, 73, from Preston was furious. 
“Well I think it’s a bloody daft idea” she said. “I used to enjoy pottering around the precinct with my friend Meryl until she was dragged into a boarded up branch of Tie Rack by an enormous bear and now I rarely bother”.
“I mean, it’s nice to see herds of bison grazing in the food court when you pop out for a wander around the shops but it just seems like the cons outweigh the pros.” She added.
With only 112 people losing their life to reintroduced carnivorous species so far this year it’s expected that a lot more indoor shopping centres will be reconnecting with their wild side over the coming years.

Six things you never knew about wolves
  • In its lifetime a wolf produces enough sperm to fill 4 olympic sized swimming pools
  • If wolves could fly they’d be one of the most dangerous predators on Earth
  • Although it looks soft a wolf’s fur is so course it feels like sandpaper. If you are attacked by a wolf the best thing you can do is vigorously rub it’s pelt until it bursts into flames.
  • Wolf from the TV show ‘Gladiators’ got his name due to his fondness of curling one out into fresh snow.
  • To give you an idea how big a wolf is, if you stacked 993 wolves on top of each other then it would be roughly the same height as the Burj Khalifa in Dubai.

  • A wolf’s blood is highly acidic and can burn through the deck of a spaceship.