A description of cwis packham's bungalow

It's in an area behind the industrial estate (between Homebase and Carpetright)
You wouldn't really expect there to be a bungalow there because the whole area isn't really residential and there are so many nettles.
The front porch area is littered with broken glass and crisp packets (mainly Wotsits).
The whole porch bit is sort of covered in a layer of grease or petrol or something and the whole place emotes a sense of gloom.
The front door is green and obscured by a black gate. It's the type of thing you might find in like, say, a prison or psychiatric unit. 

In the hallway there's a big pile of gas cylinders (presumably awaiting to be fly-tipped in the woods). On the wall there's a framed picture of a bear sitting in a rowing boat. It's been done in crayons but it's actually quite good and you can tell it's been done by someone who knows their way around a pencil case. The walls in the hallway are a sort of black colour - almost as though they're covered in soot. The carpet is quite old and reminds me of the sort of thing you might find in a pub in the 1970s.

Straight ahead and there's a small kitchen. There are lots of bin bags on the floor and they sort of buzz and vibrate due to the fact that they're full of flies. Cwis often says that he half expects them to "simply fly out of the bungalow under their own volition". 
The kitchen panels are a kind of mint green colour and are covered in Panini football stickers of all of Cwis' favourite players. There is a strip light on the ceiling which flickers and buzzes, almost in rhythm to the flies in the bin bags from earlier. The window looks out into a field of nettles and is covered in snowflakes which you can sort of tell were sprayed on there about six or seven years ago.

Moving through to the living room now and it's quite small, even for one man living alone. It has Thomas the Tank Engine wallpaper which suggests that at some point it may have been a child's bedroom. There's a bookshelf running along one of the walls which features several books and VHS cassettes about birds and animals, but, for the most part it's just full of porn.
In the middle of the room there's an elaborate dining table (the legs are carved to look like mermaids). In the corner of the room is a chair and a small portable television. On the wall - above the mantle piece bit - there's another crayon drawing (probably by the same artist as before). It's a picture of Cwis with Terry Nutkins and Michaela Strachan on the set of The Really Wild Show. On the wall opposite someone has graffitied the word 'EGGNOG' in large purple letters. There are no windows or lights in this room. 

Finally, a quick comment about the bedroom, which, when all is said and done, isn't dissimilar to a bird's nest. The bed has been expertly crafted from scraps of linen and by all accounts is very comfortable. The walls are covered in newspaper clippings and photographs of friends and loved ones. On the shelf there is a pot plant (dead), a hairdryer, a framed photograph of Morrissey and a gun.