THINGS THAT I'VE PUT IN MY MOUTH

IN THE PAST 24 HOURS


1 - My paw

2 - My tail

3 - You know those little taps you get on the side of some houses? I think they're probably for a garden hose or something. Little brass tap. Well anyway, I put one of them in my gob and then I put it in my bum.

4 - Lamb (ancient / rank) - I found this in the boot of Gary Barlow's Land Rover. (Under the kites)

5 - A cygnet*

6 -  Julian Blanch (a moth)

7 - Old bread (Hovis, Best of Both - Expiry date 29/10/12)

8 - My left ball/nut - i.e the one that isn't black and revolting and doesn't smell like the end of the world.

9 - Tent pegs / porridge 

10 - Wood lice (32 of the bastards)

11 - An AC adaptor for a Panasonic KX T1418 2 Cassette Remote Answering machine.

12 - Clunes / Martin Clunes (fist/ears/tongue)

13- Rats  

14 - Wax (I set my head on fire doing this one - Hahahhahahahaha)

15- A couple of hours ago I, sort of, licked the exhaust pipe of a van. Does that count? Does that count? I suppose it's my list. Yeah, I licked the exhaust pipe at the back of the van (Citroen Berlingo) and it tasted like soot and I got a bit of an erection and I started crying. It was weird. Won't be making that mistake again. 

*Owen Cromwell 


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