A LIST OF LIES
that my mate
SEXY CHRIS
has told me
THIS WEEK
  • He used to live inside Anne Robinson's mind
  • He used to own an enormous shire horse called 'Perfect Geoffrey' 
  • If he eats soup then his wings catch fire
  • He divorced Cameron Diaz because she believed in ghosts
  • He invented Magnesium 
  • If you put one of his feathers into a computer disk drive then it will automatically open up Encarta '95
  • Sexy Chris is latin for 'Sky Champion'
  • He played all the piano parts on 'OK Computer' by Radiohead
  • If he tries really hard then he can bring the dead back to life
  • He's seen 'High School Musical 2' over 75 000 times
  • He has a street named after him in Buenos Aires. (And a cafe named after him in Tunisia)
  • He's got cancer in his fucking beak
  • He used to be a human called Gary Fisher but he got drunk and woke up as an owl
  • He taught Bonnie Tyler how to ride a bike (bmx)
  • He used to work in a florists and deliver flowers to MI5
  • He once flew so high that he started to experience zero gravity and he would have floated off into outer space if he didn't have such strong wings
  • He was once shot in the face by Lorraine Kelly
  • 'Saving Private Ryan' is loosely based on his life
  • He wasn't allowed on 'Countdown' because he used to have a swastika tattooed on his hind quarters. 
  • He recently met Jesus behind the 'Bowlplex' in Surrey Keys and they did a shit load of pills.
  • He used to own Anne Boleyn's skull but he lost it when he moved house. 
  • Jackie Chan once invited him to an orgy in Bracknell.

He talks such a load old bollocks. I fucking hate Sexy Chris. I hope he dies soon.

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