AN IDEA FOR A NEW DANCE
{Instructions for the new dance that'll make you look like a right proper legend this summer}

  • walk into the venue like you own the place (club/pub/supermarket/stranger's house)
  • order a sherry and knock it back 
  • hurl the glass at the wall like some sort of enormous bell end
  • mince onto the dance floor clicking your fingers and smirking
  • wiggle your hips
  • now the other way
  • start clapping but in reverse
  • drive your tongue into the roof of your mouth and start rolling your head
  • now the other way
  • repeat the process
  • introduce your knees into the equation 
  • ...and back again
  • once more
  • now with your hands pretend you're trying to calm down a poorly horse (BE GENTLE)
  • 360° for ten seconds
  • remember your feet should be at 125° to the bar/frozen food isle
  • Introduce your dog to the audience
  • start whooping like a pelican
  • are your hips still doing that thing?
  • ...and the hand clapping?
  • now it's time for the pliĆ©.  (Google how to pliĆ©)
  • If you have time then spin round and get off with the nearest slut
  • return to the dance and continue the entire process until you win/pull/pass out/get arrested 
*Remember the tune goes like this - Dum Dum Dum, DoDoDoDo Bamalamalama Dum Dum Dum DooDoDo Bing Bang Bong Bing Bang Bong Dum Dum Dum, DoDoDoDo Bamalamalama Dum Dum Dum DooDoDo Bing Bang Bong Bing Bang Bong Dum Dum Dum, DoDoDoDo Bamalamalama Dum Dum Dum DooDoDo Bing Bang Bong Bing Bang Bong Dum Dum Dum, DoDoDoDo Bamalamalama Dum Dum Dum DooDoDo Bing Bang Bong Bing Bang Bong BOSH BOSH BAM!


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