This week scientists at CERN finally proved, once and for all,  that there is indeed ‘no business like show business’ after  studying the claim for over half a century. 

A team of scientists at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland  have this week finally proved, once and for all, that there is  indeed ‘no business like show business’. 

The phrase - which was coined in 1954 by Irving Berlin for his  hit musical-comedy film of the same name - has been the focus  of much study in the scientific community for almost 70 years,  and finally a consensus has been reached. 

“It’s now beyond doubt” said Head Professor, Ed Shoulders.  

“Our team have been working on this conundrum by smashing  various particles together at 99.9999991% the speed of light for  many years and finally the results are conclusive” he continued.  “There really is no business like show business”.

“For a short while, whilst experimenting with highly radioactive  synthetic elements such as Dubnium, we thought that  show business may have had slightly similar qualities to coal  mining or contract cleaning” said senior lab technician, Dr Justine Pollock. “But after more tests and the discovery of  Oganesson (117) we became convinced that Mr Berlin was  correct in 1954 and there really are no direct similarities  between show business and anything else” she continued. 

The team of boffins are currently trying to work out whether  there’s any truth in the 1999 theory that ‘There Ain’t No Party  Like An S Club Party’ before the particle accelerator is closed  down due to the European energy crisis.