This week scientists at CERN finally proved, once and for all, that there is indeed ‘no business like showbusiness’ after studying the claim for over half a century.

A team of scientists at the Large Hadron Colider in Switzerland have this week finally proved, once and for all, that there is indeed ‘no business like showbusiness’.

The phrase - which was coined in 1954 by Irving Berlin for his hit musical-comedy film of the same name - has been the focus of much study in the scientific community for almost 70 years, and finally a consenus has been reached.

“It’s now beyond doubt” said Head Proffesor, Ed Shoulders.

“Our team have been working on this conundrum by smashing various particles together at 99.9999991% the speed of light for many years and finally the results are conclusive” he continued. “There really is no business like showbusiness”.


“For a short while, whilst experimenting with highly radioctive synthetic elements such as Dubnium, we thought that showbusiness may have had slightly similar qualities to coal mining or contract cleaning” said senior lab technician, Dr Justine Pollock. “But after more tests and the discovery of Oganesson (117) we became convinced that Mr Berling was correct in 1954 and there really are no direct similarties between showbusiness and anything else” she continued.

The team of boffins are currently trying to work out whether there’s any truth in the 1999 theory that ‘There Ain’t No Party Like An S Club Party’ before the particle accelerator is closed down due to the European energy crisis.