CLASSIFIEDS
21.02.17

FOR SALE

Gravestone:
Stone. Hardly any moss.
A good buy for someone called Fabian Leaford Hoddinott 
€300
375-508-321

Dentures
hardly used. 4 teeth missing (swallowed)
Smell of egg. Collection only
¢760
121-998-654

3 Seater Leather Chesterfield
5 years old. Tan retro design with beautifully carved frame and solid wood feet. Very good condition except for a few cat scratches but the cat has been killed in a reservoir.
£14000
222-777-393

Gibson SG Electric Guitar (Red)
Signed by either David Bowie, the recently departed singer songwriter regarded by critics and musicians as being one the most important and innovative pop stars of all time with a career spanning over 5 decades and over 140 million record sales internationally, or by a guy called David Brodie  who I think I went to school with and I may have sold me the guitar a few years ago if memory serves me correctly.
$60'000
665-666-642

King Size Hypnos Mattress
Very, Very heavy because it's absolutely soaked in piss after we tied Gary to my bed on his stag night and then forgot about him for 2 days.
Really very heavy. Also some blood. Ideal for someone who is looking for a mattress to take to a tip/ fly-tip in the woods
Collection only (You might need a crane, it's absolutely fucking sodden)
€23
 851-009-202

Grandads For Sale!!!
I found a cave full of grandads near Dartford in January. I thought I could look after them but I think I've bitten off more than I can chew.
Some dead, most alive (between 79 and 96)
£12 each or 3 for £20
651-090-101

Low-Res JPEG of My Bathroom Taps
Taken when I had to email a photo of them to my plumber so that he could give me a quote on some work that I needed doing.
I don't need them anymore but I'm happy to either print them off or download them onto a memory stick
£25 printout / £45 dongle
320-000-622

Idea For An Invention
I've got a really good idea for a new invention. I can't tell you what it is on here obviously.
I would like to take it to the next level but I'm too busy scamming people on the internet.
Send the money and I'll send you all the paperwork.
$80'000 ono
111-111-121

Worms
Worms. Dead. 
Storred in condom.
Ideal for someone who enjoys dead worms in condoms
¢38
343-678-989

Jeffrey Dahmer Cuckoo Clock
Unwanted gift!!!
Cuckoo clock tribute to Milwaukee, necrophiliac canibal, Jeffrey Dahmer.
Adorned with dismembered figurines and photos from the case file recreated in die cast metal. Very upsetting every hour when a mutilated penis pops out and plays audio from Dahmer's Police Station confession.
A very misguided anniversary gift from my husband.
Any offer accepted
222-432-709

Watercolour Paintings
Of my dog's ball sack (red setter)
£90
222-033-984

A Song I Just Wrote
Title: The Peanut Song
Tune: Boopadoop Doo Bam bambaddumdum doo Biddlybiddly bum badumdumBoopadoop Doo Bam bambaddumdum doo Biddlybiddly bum badumdum Boopadoop Doo Bam bambaddumdum doo Biddlybiddly bum badumdumBoopadoop Doo Bam bambaddumdum doo Biddlybiddly bum badumdum
Words: None yet so you can really make this your own
Ideal for first time popstar or West End Musical composer.
£340'000
444-242-440



2 comments:

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  2. So, Is anyone willing to trade any items? I have a few old KISS pez dispensers with hydrocodone in place of candy and a broken owl lamp set from the 70s, OH and a copy of Al Stewart's year of the cat vinyl LP that's scratched all to shit cause I tried to take a photo with my cat tied to it, ( for an ironic laugh) but,Gordon Meredith Lightfoot JR (That's my cat) he did not find it humorous at all. Mostly because he's named after a Canadian folk singer songwriter,they don't find humor in many things,he dont like his music either, which does not help the situation, i explained that " The wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald " was a decent track,( I know ,its an hour long) he pointed that out, and hissed at me. Soooo ... trade? Anyone?

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